these fleeting moments...leave the softest footprints on my heart

...warm as the sun, and peaceful as a light breeze...

There's just something about beautiful eyes, I suppose that's why there are so many fitting adjectives that can describe them so well: inviting, smoldering, captivating...
I'll be the first to admit that a gorgeous glare will definitely reel me in and keep me there for awhile...sometimes, a really long while.
Right now, I have in my mind the most intriguing pair of chocolate eyes I think I have ever seen...so innocent and serene and oh so entrancing. I try to get them out, but they seem to be content right there smiling sweetly at my misery.
Damn that little heart that just gets all caught up by the slightest of things. It doesn't take much to get her going, dancing around, and painting tiny fantasies in my head that the smarter senses in me have such a difficult time being logical against!! She's done it again that little pest!

oh! and girl with the sweatshirt, I think you're wrong...

so this girl was walking in front of me yesterday on my way home and she was wearing a plain black zip-up hoodie that had "the last cut is the deepest" written on the lower-back area of the hoodie. exactly what I thought, that's completely contrary to what sheryl crow thinks.
I thought more about it, about all the "cuts", and, sure I am being judgmental, selfish, and a little opinionated (which is usually not really me, okay maybe sometimes), but anyhow, obviously there have been some scrapes and bruises that really don't merit consideration in comparison to the cuts, but in all honesty, the first cut really was the deepest. that damn cut took a truly long time to heal, in fact, I think sometimes it still stings. before that cut I thought I was tough and invincible. that cut made me question if I really knew what pain was before it. sometimes I think the few cuts after have really just opened up a wound that was already there but how can they compare? (rhetorical, of course). that cut changed everything. that cut changed the little girl.
who knows, I am sure ten years down the road when my seven children and I are saying fuck off to my lying, cheating, no-good, loser future first husband, then I might agree with the sweatshirt, but for now...I am with you sheryl!

tRy 2 uNdErStAnD tHe OnEs ThAt LoVe AnD tHeIr DeMaNdS

here's a little tribute to my favorites, okay 2nd favorites, that have been by far one of the most memorable performances, whom I cannot wait (even if it is only 1 month), and I do really hope that you...my one and only true follower and fan of nana going bananas will come with me!! I am forever grateful to Shrem for intensifying my love for the pumpkins, bless his heart...he made me fall in love with so many things.
just some of the loved and favorites...the poetry that touched me and changes with me as I go and go some more...

neither here nor there, just right beside you - beautiful

sprinkle all my kisses on your head - siva

cause it's hard luck when noone understands your love - farewell and goodnight

you'll be a lover in my bed and a gun to my head - ava adore

I send a heart to all my dearies, when your life is so so dreary...dream - mayonaise

and those moonsongs, that you sing your babies, will be the songs to see you through - luna

your strength is my weakness, your weakness my hate - thru the eyes of ruby

I'll hear your song, if you want me to, I'll sing along - luna

the opiate of blame, is you broken heart - soma

tell me, tell me what your after...I just want to get there faster - siva

open your eyes...to these must I lie - rhinoceros

I wanted more, than life could ever grant me - today

when you lie in your bed, and you lie to yourself - silverfuck

speak to me in a language I can hear - 33

you may find your love is gone and is not quite what it seemed - thru the eyes of ruby

peace will not come to this lonely heart - in the arms of sleep

and I'll always need her more than she could ever need me - in the arms of sleep

no apologies ever need be made, I know you better than you fake it - 1979

and nobody nowhere understands anything about me and all my dreams - stumbleine

I tried so hard, to cleanse these regrets - today

I just want to have some...little fun - plume

give me time , give me peace, and I will prove my release - the sacred and profane

although I'm selfish to a fault, is it selfish it's you I want - the crying tree of mercury

follow love, lest I learn - bring the light

all of those yesterdays, coming down - drown

yeah, I want something new, but what am I supposed to do about you? - hummer

time heals but I am forever broken - muzzle

have you ever heard the words I am singing in these songs? it's for the girl I've loved all along...can a taste of love be so wrong? - muzzle

what you said made a mess of me - obscured

what it is, it never was - plume

cause when a lover aches, that's when a lover breaks - spaceboy

and for a moment I lose myself, wrapped up in the pleasures of the world, I've journeyed here and there and back again, but in the same old haunts I still find my friends - 33

everything I want is in your lies - tarantula

and a bow to you mr. corgan, for you are truly an artist. these are in no particular order, of course, that's impossible to do. and these are barely all of them, but I came across the photo album I made for arez years ago with some of these and a few more fitting ones written in it, and thought how much peace and easyness these melodramatic lover's words give me...here's to a great weekend in the sun!

like heaven

it's the best way!

because, perhaps, he's said all I want to say...

take this kiss upon the brow!

and, parting from you now,

thus much let me avow-

you are not wrong, who deem

that my days have been a dream:

yet if hope has flown away
in a night, or in a day,

in a vision, or in none,

is it therefore the less gone?

all that we see or seem

is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

of surf-tormented shore,

and I hold within my hand

grains of the golden sand-

how few! yet how they creep

through my fingers to the deep,

while I weep- while I weep!

o God! can I not grasp

them with a tighter clasp?

o God! can I not save

one from the pitiless wave?

is all that we see or seem

but a dream within a dream?

~Edgar Allen Poe

lessons learned, or not...

I had this really great bag that I loved... it was a light brown, or tan rather, leather handbag by fossil, btw their leather is the best, and not too expensive...anyway, the strap broke and I dropped it off last August with a pair of sandals that needed fixing, I left them there until March :/ ....it was winter, I didn't need the sandals anytime soon and I was using my messenger bag for school, anyhow the stupid place has a 30 day policy, and I think they threw out my stuff. What am I supposed to do? I loved that bag... it was my favorite.

...true happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice... Samuel Johnson

I've been thinking the past couple of days, uh-oh, that I love my friends, that I am thankful that I grew up with 3 sisters and maybe because of this I never felt the need for more than 1 or 2 close friends. There was a time when I used to get bothered cause someone would make a comment like "where are all your friends?" or some nonsense about the lack thereof, but not anymore. Maybe because I've realized that it's been by choice, I can be picky about who is in that circle. The older I get, I appreciate it, I've been able to focus more on the relationships that were worth cultivating. I still struggle to not make a big deal about a little broken promise here and there, but unfortunately, as much as life has thrown this way I still take those closest to me for granted...I need to work harder on letting them take me for granted too, it's only fair.

I just love seeing the world through his eyes...

~some moments...you can keep them forever...they're yours~

















~the view from Vesuvius~

















~"I love you to the Dolomites"~

















~e benedetta autostrada, specialmente di notte, che quando guido solo ascolto musica, e ti penso ti penso~

















~just in case you should forget~

















~...somewhere beyond the sea, somewhere waiting for me...~

















~able was I ere I saw Elba~

















~once upon a time there was a boy named Peter Pan, who decided not to grow up...so he flew away to Neverland where the pirates are~

Third Eye Blind - Jumper

One of Arez's friends passed away today. Avery and I liked him a lot. His name was David, he was younger than me. I hate when young people die, no matter what the reason, it just seems like that's not supposed to happen. It never feels real, when you hear about it and then your mind runs back to the last time you saw them or the images you have of them in your memory. It's crazy, this life, sometimes you love it, it's the sweetest thing, sometimes you want to punch it in the face cause it makes you so angry at how unfair it can seem, and sometimes you just want to cry and give up on it, but what else can we do but accept it and put our happiest face on, regardles of what or who we can or cannot change?...(sigh...really long sigh)

"love is a temporary madness" - St. Augustine

It is that stupid four letter word that sometimes just doesn't let me be! So, I guess since my dear best friend granted my birthday wish and set my blog up for me with such a fitting title that translates to... I do it for love, I might as well start with a few words about something I love.
There's this place, it's a commune (a really medieval way of saying a self-governing community or town) in northern Italy. The name of this captivating place is Siena, it's about 4 hours north of Rome and just south of Florence, in other words, it sits upon those beautiful rolling hills of vineyards and endless golden sunflower fields in the summer that, unless you've seen with your very eyes, books or movies might have introduced to you as Tuscany. I was lucky enough to take a class there with one of NYU's most unique and indescribably intelligent professors, who happens to be a kooky southern Italian! I learned a lot, that perhaps given the time I'll share, or maybe I should say, if I can remember what I learned, then given the time, I'll share, but for now I just want to talk about how I fell in love.
Our bus pulled up to an entrance of this hill town entirely surrounded by majestically impressive stone walls, and off I was on an upward hike towards our monestary turned hotel, which I would assume was less than a quarter mile up but it felt like two given my inappropriatly oversized suitcase which I've nicknamed Refrigerator Perry through the years (due to my complete disregard for airline baggage weight limits or the advice to pack light). Love never starts off how we expect it to, I guess. For the next few days we walked through churches, cathedrals, public palazzi, small museums, ate gelati and pasta, and drank lots of wine and somewhere within all those generic episodes of an American tourist in Italy... I lost myself, it's as if someone tattooed my lips into a week-long smile, my heart fluttered at the feel of the winding cobblestone streets beneath my feet, le farfalline, or butterflies, in my stomach danced around to the sound of the local melodic voices, I didn't want to sleep, and although I barely did, I was anxious for morning to take it all in again. It was like a whirlwind affair, it ended and our group was off to Florence for the remainder of our trip and I fought to enjoy the city that so many tourists and artists adore, because I had fallen in love and nothing compared to her, nothing could be better, not Ghibirti's bronze Bapistry doors or Michelangelo's David, Botticelli's Primavera came close, but it was as though my heart had abandoned me and had opted to stay flirting and laughing in Piazza del Campo while drinking prosecco! Four days later on the ride back to Rome Fiumicino, I was like a zombie, what was this wave of melancholy that enveloped me? That had me sitting lifeless in grief as I listened like an emotional wreck to my favorite Italian singer whispering in my ear... "beautiful, like a morning of crystalline waters, like a window that illuminates my pillow...", he was in my mind, that's how I felt about her, she was pure with a magical glow, and I didn't want to leave.
Emerson talked about travel in one of his essays, about how it's a temporary happiness, and as we drove away that morning, away from that place that made my soul flicker like it hadn't in a really long time, I surrendered to his words. But I couldn't let her go so easily, she draws me back and what I feel when I am there leaves me speechless, there is no happiness in existence like the joy and pleasure that I get from simply being there, and when I am away, the image of her piazza, or town square, is etched in my chest, it pumps blood through my body to keep me alive until the time comes where I can run back to her...until I can awake and sip cappuccino as I stare at the belltower, listen to the sound of tourists, and let the morning hours slip away as this crazy little stranger convinces herself that she belongs...until I can lay my back against the stones that have been there for centuries and get lost in a blackish blue sky that glistens with shimmering white stars and the certainty in my stomach tells me this is heaven.
I am madly in love with Siena, and if Emerson and St. Augustine are right, I hope this is a very very long "temporary".
btw...this is me, I am a hopeless romantic.

with love

"anything you can do, i can do better..."

<3-

starr